It's All in Your Head
by Setkia
Summary: "It's okay," I say. "I trust you, Soul." Something flashes in Soul's eyes and before I can fully process it, his hand is wrapped tightly around my neck and I can't breathe. "Still trust me, Maka?" he asks.
1. Chapter 1

**_Author's Note_** _: So I don't own_ ** _Soul Eater._** _I spent a lot of time looking for quotes for each chapter, so please appreciate them. They range from Mark Twain to_ ** _Batman_** _. I'm not joking here. Anyway, I always thought that the madness aspect of_ ** _Soul Eater_** _made it so much darker than I first thought, but isn't that how it always is? Anime starts off nice and fluffy and then suddenly they dump a load of feels and anticipation on you (even the shōjo can do that sometimes). I wanted to take a shot at writing the madness aspect. I've written almost every genre, except for horror. I'm not quite sure if this qualifies as horror either … But anyway, there are warnings for certain chapters, but nothing to warrant an M rating. I hope you guys review, this is my first multi-chapter Soul Eater story and I hope you like it! There will be 8 chapters, I'll update once every 2 weeks._

* * *

 ** _It's All in Your Head  
_** _By: Setkia_

* * *

 **"** **It's okay," I say. "I trust you, Soul."**

 **Something flashes in Soul's eyes and before I can fully process it, his hand is wrapped tightly around my neck and I can't breathe.**

 **"** **Still trust me, Maka?" he asks.**

* * *

Chapter 1

 _"_ _The Edge … There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over."_ —Hunter S Thompson

* * *

 _Blood. So much blood …_

 _Have to get him to Stein, have to get him there quick._

I nearly stumble over my own feet as I rush towards the professor, holding his limp body in my arms. This can't happen, he's my weapon and he's always making such stupid sacrifices for me. Doesn't he care about his own life?

Stein sees me before I can make it to his door and he ushers me in quickly. He knows we were on a mission from Lord Death, he doesn't know the details. I don't think I can give them to him if he asks because all I can think is he's losing too much blood and he can't die and I promised I'd make him a Death Scythe and he can't die before that. _Dying on me, that isn't cool Soul!_

"Put him down," says Stein and I do, but I can't leave him.

There's a large wound, it seems to have reopened the scar along his chest. I can't stand to look at the stitches. There's so much blood, I can't see the wound clearly, but I know he's losing too much blood. It's a mixture of red and black and it makes me sick to watch but I do. I do because this is my punishment for what I've done.

I let my guard down and now Soul is paying the price.

I watch beside Soul as Stein does his work silently, like he knows if he asks me what's wrong I'm going to break. When he's done, Soul is patched up but I can tell from the grim look on Stein's face this isn't the end. There's something else, Soul is in deeper trouble, something that runs further than skin deep.

"Maka," says Stein in his soft voice of his and I feel my blood still in my veins. I don't know what he's going to tell me but I feel anxious. "Can you feel his soul?"

I can. I can feel it faint, but there's something different about it. It's weaker, the loud obnoxious arrogance that he usually radiates is gone. It's almost as though his soul has given up. I can see it's shape, it's disfigured, like something is tampering with it on the inside. I try to send him my strength, try to calm him down but worse than getting worse, his soul doesn't respond, as though it doesn't feel me at all anymore.

"You can tell, can't you? That there's something wrong with it."

I nod.

"I can't do anything about that," says Stein. "That's something internal, there's some sort of mental strain he's putting himself under."

"Is he going to be okay?" It's the only question I want an answer to, and from the look on Stein's face, I wonder if it would be better if he just lied to me.

"Yes," he says slowly. "And no. Currently his mind is fighting with the Black Blood. Have you ever seen inside Soul's soul?"

I remember the black room, the dance, the strange little red imp who stood in the corner glaring at us with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Has it spread?"

"The Black Blood is doing something to his mind," Stein says. "You understand how Crona is? That madness …" Stein glances at Soul. His face looks peaceful for now, or rather, neutral. Like he can't feel anything. I think I would feel better if he were in pain, just to know he was responding to something; anything. "It's spreading."

I clench my fist tightly. "Tell me what to do."

Stein looks at me. "I understand you're his friend, but I don't think he'd appreciate you going inside his mind. Besides, something tells me he's going to reject any attempt to get inside."

"And what happens if no one interferes?"

"We have one of two options. Either he saves himself out of this mess and wakes up on his own, by fighting the madness, or he succumbs to it and dies. Given the state he's in, it's most likely it will be the latter."

"I'm his Meister, this is my fault—"

"He is your weapon Maka," says Stein. "It is his job to protect you, he's just doing his job."

"Well he can't just die!" I shout, feeling tears prick my eyes. "I can't let him die! I'm his partner, I can resonate my soul with his. If anyone can get in, it should be me."

"Do you understand how dangerous that is?" Stein asks. "His mind is in a fragile state right now, any tampering, any action within it could cause all the walls to cave in. He's going insane."

"Then I just have to save him from the brink of insanity," I say. I can tell that from the tone of my voice, Stein doesn't believe me and I can't blame him but I can't stand it if Soul dies and I've done nothing to help him. I can't let him die, not like this. This wouldn't be the "cool" way to die, Soul wouldn't want this.

"It's not that simple—"

"Well it doesn't matter whether or not it's simple!" I snap. "I'm doing it and you can't stop me. Soul needs me right now!" I'm breathing deeply now and Stein is starting to look extra worried.

"Your father—"

"I don't care about my father, this is about me and Soul!" I can't take it. I can't. To let Soul die just like that, after all we've done, after getting so many souls, after fighting against Blair, after hearing him play, after learning to trust him. A Meister and Weapon have to be in tune, we have to trust each other wholly. If he can't trust me to save him, who can he trust? I have to do this.

"You're not thinking straight—"

"Maybe not, but he needs me," I say. "And nothing you can say will change my mind."

Stein opens his mouth to argue, then closes it in resignation. He can tell that I am not changing my mind. "Alright. You can't tell Spirit I let you do this," he adds.

I breathe out a sigh of relief.

I look at Soul, his pale face, his white hair. He's still slightly bloody from the fight and he looks weak right now. _Cool guys aren't weak,_ I can hear him say. I take a hold of his hand and squeeze it tightly.

 _Don't worry Soul. I'm coming._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note #1:** Heheheheh ... Something you'll learn about me pretty quickly: I'll set up updating schedules only to break them, same reason Shakespeare writes in sonnets. So I honestly swear I wasn't planning on updating so quickly, I was kinda hoping to get to 5 reviews before I posted, but since I'm impatient and I've never written this genre before and I really wanted feedback. A lot of this is in a style i've never done before: 1st person, present tense, horror, lots of experimentation here. Anyway, I would like to aim for 5 reviews for the next chapter though. I don't own **Soul Eater.** I also changed Wes a bit. I started to make him a "villain" and then did some actual looking up on his wikipedia and uh yeah, turns out he's not a total bastard so I tried to change it. The scene in the bathroom was inspired by a scene I saw in another fanfic that I can't remember the title of, sorry to steal! It was just such a good idea! I don't own that idea, I'll just say that now. I have 2 quotes for this chapter because it was originally 2 separate ones but I decided it flowed better this way and I couldn't bear to part with either of them. Also, you'll learn I have a routine for my updates._

 _WARNINGS: self-harm_

* * *

 ** _It's All in Your Head_**  
 _by: Setkia_

* * *

 **"It's okay," I say. "I trust you, Soul."**

 **Something flashes in Soul's eyes and before I can fully process it, his hand is wrapped tightly around my neck and I can't breathe.**

 **"Still trust me, Maka?" he asks.**

* * *

 _Previously:_

"We have one of two options. Either he saves himself out of this mess and wakes up on his own, by fighting the madness, or he succumbs to it and dies. Given the state he's in, it's most likely it will be the latter."

"I'm his Meister, this is my fault—"

"He is your weapon Maka," says Stein. "It is his job to protect you, he's just doing his job."

"Well he can't just die!" I shout, feeling tears prick my eyes. "I can't let him die! I'm his partner, I can resonate my soul with his. If anyone can get in, it should be me."

"Do you understand how dangerous that is?" Stein asks. "His mind is in a fragile state right now, any tampering, any action within it could cause all the walls to cave in. He's going insane."

"Then I just have to save him from the brink of insanity," I say. I can tell that from the tone of my voice, Stein doesn't believe me and I can't blame him but I can't stand it if Soul dies and I've done nothing to help him. I can't let him die, not like this. This wouldn't be the "cool" way to die, Soul wouldn't want this.

"It's not that simple—"

"Well it doesn't matter whether or not it's simple!" I snap. "I'm doing it and you can't stop me. Soul needs me right now!" I'm breathing deeply now and Stein is starting to look extra worried.

"Your father—"

"I don't care about my father, this is about me and Soul!" I can't take it. I can't. To let Soul die just like that, after all we've done, after getting so many souls, after fighting against Blair, after hearing him play, after learning to trust him. A Meister and Weapon have to be in tune, we have to trust each other wholly. If he can't trust me to save him, who can he trust? I have to do this.

"You're not thinking straight—"

"Maybe not, but he needs me," I say. "And nothing you can say will change my mind."

Stein opens his mouth to argue, then closes it in resignation. He can tell that I am not changing my mind. "Alright. You can't tell Spirit I let you do this," he adds.

I breathe out a sigh of relief.

I look at Soul, his pale face, his white hair. He's still slightly bloody from the fight and he looks weak right now. _Cool guys aren't weak,_ I can hear him say. I take a hold of his hand and squeeze it tightly.

 _Don't worry Soul. I'm coming._

* * *

Chapter 2

 _"_ _I should never be left alone with my mind for too long."_ —Libba Bray

 _"_ _Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is … Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. They were not perfect, but they were my friends." —Susanna Kaysen_

* * *

There is no black room when I enter.

I'm surrounded by doors in an endless hallway. Is this a part of Soul's soul I skipped when I went into that black room? There's a faint buzzing in the back of my mind, like static of a radio and I try to ignore it. What are these doors? Memories? Parts of his personality? I always knew he was complex, but never this complex.

I take a slow step forward, scared the ground will give way as I walk. It doesn't to my surprise. Everything feels so fragile. The walls are coated in black and red, wallpaper? On closer inspection I realize the walls are black and there's blood, slowly leaking down. Some doors are covered in it, others are starting to get sullied. Is this the Black Blood?

The buzzing is more like a dull ache in the back of my mind at this point as I take another step forward. My head hurts, but I have to keep moving. I need to find the black room, I know Soul is in there, he was there last time. If I'm right, that little red imp must be there too. He could be a manifestation of the Black Blood, a way of coping with the situation that Soul's made up to anchor his sanity.

The hallway feels empty and dark, an ominous feeling lingering around me. I look down to see that my shoes are starting to become stained. Stained with blood. Is this internal bleeding? A way of representing his inner pain in a more opaque way? I don't understand Soul, no matter how much I wish I could.

The door to my right is green. I watch as the red lines on the floor slither across the wood and slowly begin to climb up the door. It's almost as though it's eating away at the wood, and the door gets a new paint job. The darkness spreads, looking like an ugly stain until it takes over completely and the door is no longer recognizable.

The door to my left is blue. The blood on the floor is farther from it. Will it spread? Probably from the way it slithered so quickly to the green door. What happens once it's been swallowed by the blood? Can I see inside? I've never seen this hallway before, I don't know which room is the black room.

I approach the door with caution. My feet feel heavy as I move, my muscles tense. Playing around inside someone's mind is not simple, it's not easy and it's dangerous. I need to be careful.

My fingers wrap around the cold doorknob and slowly I turn the handle.

Music.

It's the first thing I register. Someone is playing. The room is fancy, large with glass windows. Is this part of the Evans mansion? There is Soul, playing the piano and standing in front of the slick, black grand piano are three people.

There's a man with his arm wrapped around a woman who I can only presume is his wife. He has a stern, cold detached expression on his face, his wife nearly as indifferent. Next to the wife stands a boy who looks exactly like Soul, if not a few years older. His arms are crossed and he's grinning.

The music stops on a note that even I know is off-key with the rest of the song and then it happens.

 _Say something._

I nearly jump. There's a voice. A voice that's ringing in my ears. The buzzing has stopped, the insistent static has disappeared. I look at the trio who stand before him. They're not reacting. Can they even see me? Do they hear it too?

 _Say something dammit!_

It sounds like ... Soul.

I look at Soul. He's not the Soul I know, he's younger, perhaps ten? His fists are clenched at his sides as he stares at his family silently. His hair is still as unkept as ever, his teeth are still pointy as always, but the cool indifference in his eyes is lacking. Instead I can see so much more emotion in them, like he's boiling over with feelings and they can't all express themselves properly.

 _At least look me in the eyes, Death!_

Are these his thoughts?

"That was ..." His father searches for words.

 _Spit it out, old man!_

"Different," he finishes. "It's ... not what I was expecting." The man licks his lips and I can feel anxiety wrapping around me. Is this me or Soul? I can't tell. "Whatever happened to those classical lessons we paid for?"

"I took them," says Soul in a cold voice. I can feel his soul. It's twisted and angry and hurt. "I just prefer this."

"I can see that."

The atmosphere is so tense I feel myself holding my breath. Soul's thoughts are going rapidly now, I can't differentiate where one sentence ends and where one begins. He's starting to freak out internally but perhaps the scary thing is how calm and neutral his expression is.

"Wes, do you want to play now?" asks his mother, putting a hand on the slightly older boy who looks like Soul.

The boy smirks. He doesn't have teeth like Soul's, and while his smirk lacks a vampiric quality that Soul's has, his smirk feels more detached than his brother's. He picks up a violin and begins to play. All the while I can hear Soul's jumbled thoughts, drowning out the solo.

 _Stop it. At least scream at me if you're unhappy. Aren't I worth even a yelling? Always about Wes isn't it? Can't meet your standards, right? Like I fucking need this anyway. Does it even matter that I mastered the instrument like you wanted me to? Does it even matter I lost hours practicing and my fingers hurt from the strain?_

I notice then that there are bandages on Soul's hands, small band-aids over his fingers, like he has blisters from overuse.

When Wes (I believe his name is Wes) is finished, Soul gives his mother and father a tight smile.

"How about you boys harmonize?"

Wes smirks as though he knows something.

 _They know I don't play like him; they know I can't match him._

"If Soul can handle it," says Wes. His voice is teasing, I can hear it, but Soul seems to get even angrier.

He stares at his brother with cold eyes, a certain venom in them I've never seen before except for once. The moment right before Crona cut him open. "Can you keep up?" he asks.

The two begin to play a song, one I can't distinguish, but it seems as though it's a fight. Wes starts the melody but then Soul picks up and forces Wes to speed up and match his tempo and then Wes goes along with it in grace but then the notes are being played slightly differently and even if they started relatively in sync, there's no trace of fluidity in their melody now. It's a fight for dominance in the music and I can hear the struggle with each note. It goes on for a few minutes until their father slams his hand down on top of the piano and Soul jumps, hitting the wrong note.

"That's enough," says his father. He glares at Soul. "It would do well for you to remember to behave. You're an Evans after all."

The room suddenly goes black and now there's nothing there, like the memory's run its course. I turn back to the door and can't help feeling like someone or _something_ is watching me.

When I re-enter the hallway the buzzing is back and I can't tell what it is. Is it like that memory? Are these Soul's current thoughts? I thought it was impossible to perform Soul Resonance as long as there were secrets between us, but apparently that's not true. Why can't I hear this thoughts now, but they were so clear before? His emotions hit me full force before and now there's nothing but my own confusion.

 _What else are you hiding, Soul?_

The door that has turned black is still there but the doorknob is gone, like any attempt at entry will be impossible.

He's shutting himself in.

I see another door and curious, I open it. The buzzing stops but now there's more music. Of course most of Soul's memories would involve music. As much as he doesn't associate with his past, it's still a large part of his memories.

I realize that I know this place. This is the piano in the DWMA. Is this really the moment I think it is?

"Play for me." That's my voice. "As an introduction to our partnership."

Soul grins.

 _You're going to regret that._

I watch myself watch Soul as he plays. Unlike before, he's thinking while he's playing.

 _Is this dark enough for you? How about this? Are you scared yet? Can you feel it? Feel the tremors and rhythms? I'll show you to ask me to play. Wait till you feel the evil in the chords. Wait till you look at me in disgust and shock. Are you afraid, little girl?_

The music pounds in my ears and I can feel it now, I can tell. Before I couldn't but now it's obvious: the dark undertones of Soul's song, the madness that hovers just above the keys. The way he plays is even slightly maniacal, his eyes wide and his mouth twisted in a Cheshire grin. His feet move rapidly on the pedals, his eyes hold something crazy in them, like he's on the edge and just needs a little push over. The sound of screams of pain seem to echo in the room, wails of loss and heartbreak, cries for freedom, chains slapping against concrete, whips lashing at bare skin, a dungeon of torture all the while Soul smiles crookedly, letting the music's dark atmosphere swallow him whole.

 _Are you afraid of me yet?_

When he finishes the note sounds strange, the way it always does, as though he's chosen a random note to end it on, out of place in comparison to the frenzied piece. I know what I'm going to say, I've memorized this moment; the moment I dared to trust a man again.

"It was beautiful."

Soul's face is as neutral as I remember but now his thoughts say something otherwise.

 _What is wrong with her? She's not ... scared?_

I watch myself hold out a hand to him, smiling brightly.

Soul stares at my— past-Maka's hand and grins.

 _There's something different about her ..._

Our hands meet and I can feel his warmth in my current-me hand. There's a mixture of confusion, trepidation and contemplation as he grips past-me's hand. He's weighing something, I can see it in his eyes in retrospect and his mind is debating pros and cons until he finally speaks.

"Name's Soul. Soul Eater."

"Maka Albarn," I hear myself say.

"Well Maka, you mentioned something about a partnership?"

The memory comes to a close and the room becomes empty again. I'm about to take a step out when suddenly, the piano is back but I'm not there. Instead, it's Wes.

"What are you doing here?" asks Soul in a tight voice. He's tense.

 _Did she see him? Shit, I just got started, am I already losing?_

I don't remember Wes, I'm pretty sure I'd remember someone like him. With white hair like that, maybe that's why I was attracted to Soul in the first place

"So you're really leaving us?" asks Wes.

This time, I know it's Soul that's feeling the gnawing sensation in his stomach, the feeling that he's being eaten alive by things that are surrounding him. I can barely breathe and I know Soul feels like he's suffocating. He keeps a neutral expression all the same and I realize just how good at faking it men are. So Soul is just like Papa. He can pretend too. But there's something tragic about the way Soul hides, unlike Papa who tries to hide his conquests from my eyes but inevitably gives up once he realizes he's been caught, whereas Soul seems so defensive, so caught up in acting that he'd rather die than be exposed, as though this mask of indifference he wears is the difference between life and death.

"Don't become all sentimental suddenly and all that I'll miss you crap," Soul snaps.

"I wasn't going to," Wes says. "Do you really think you fit in here though?" Wes walks alongside the piano and lets his hand slide across the slick lid. Soul growls. _Don't touch it_. "I mean sure, you're a weapon, but you're an Evans."

"My name's Soul Eater," Soul says through gritted teeth.

"Are you in a rebellious phase?" Wes asks with a good-hearted chuckle. "Mom and Dad'll miss you."

"Yeah right."

"I'll miss you."

"Eat shit."

Wes wags an accusing finger at Soul. "Now now, that's not polite." He places his hands in his pockets and backs away from the piano. Soul visibly relaxes. "Do you think it's going to be that easy? Change your last name, start at a new school and _bam_ , your whole past life will be forgotten? Memories and experiences don't fade because you wish them to," says Wes. "You're an Evans. There's no escaping that."

 _You're better suited for that title. Everyone likes it when you play. People don't call you creepy, people think you're wonderful. Clearly, you are but can't you be a bit more of a bastard? It would make hating you so much easier. I'm the mistake, remember? The one who was thrown into music because that's what our family does and besides, it'll shut him up, right? The piano will take up the most space in the room but let's just ignore the one playing it. He'll have a large presence but he'll sink into the shadows. When they say "son", they think of you, don't pretend you don't know it. You're their favourite, you're the one who commands the orchestra, I'm the unsteady bass no one hears._

"I'm not your enemy Soul. I like it when you play."

Soul looks up at that moment and I can feel it. There's some kind of dry humour, a sad, hollow chuckle like his mind's laughing at him.

 _But I'm not on the same level as you, am I?_

"Stop it."

"Stop what?" Soul grumbles.

"You're doubting yourself again." _Shit, why do you read me so well?_ "I know you're using this whole weapon thing to get farther from us, but I'm part of your family. Us Evans have to stick together."

A vein seems to throb in Soul's forehead at the word "Evans".

"I want to be a good older brother. When you were ten, it was fun to have competitions, but you know that I care about you. Whatever you're thinking, you're not inferior." Wes bites his lip. "Will you play for me? One last time, before you leave us forever?"

"I never said it was for forever." Soul's voice is quiet.

"It was implied. What future do you have in a musical family if you're going to spend your education learning to fight?" Wes grins. "You got all the cool genes didn't you? I have to say, I'm jealous."

 _Yeah, right._

And I realize then what the problem is. When Soul was younger he and his brother had a friendly brotherly rivalry (who doesn't when they're that young?), but on Soul's side it was never friendly. Soul doesn't see himself the way others see him. Wes is a good brother, though Soul's mind tries to tell him otherwise. Soul's _jealous_. Wes has everything he never had. I can feel my heart breaking from watching the visibly effort that Wes is making to try and breach the gap Soul's made between them, but Soul is responding coldly.

"I don't play anymore."

"Then why did you play for her?"

 _She's different._

I can tell Soul doesn't even fully understand why he played for me. Soul is silent.

"Is she going to be your Meister?" Soul's eyes widen in surprise. "Hey, don't think I didn't do my research. You think I'd let my little brother go off to some school without doing a background check?" He laughs lightly but there's no real humour in it. "Come and visit sometimes, okay?"

Soul turns his head away and Wes sighs.

There's silence in the room as the older Evans brother lingers for a moment before saying "Good luck, Soul Eater," and leaving.

I expect the room to go back, but instead it stays there, Soul sitting at the piano bench in silence. Suddenly, he slams his hands down on the keys loudly. It's enough to give me goosebumps before I'm enveloped in darkness again.

I wait a little, in case there's some secret memory I haven't seen yet. There's nothing.

I can't help but feel it. There was so much confusion, anger, uncertainty in that one final clash with the keys, like he's closing a chapter of his life without being sure if he's ready for it. It makes me feel sick, all the emotions that are swirling around me.

I walk out and the buzzing is back. The feeling of being watched amplifies.

I walk forward and see another door. I don't know if there's a pattern to this, if one side of the hall is Soul's life with his family and the other side is his life at the academy. I don't know what it is, where it is or how anything is organized.

I need to find the black room though.

I close my eyes. Can I feel his soul? If I was able to feel it in the memories, then clearly I should be able to feel his soul within his own soul, right?

I can't feel it, it's distant and detached, like he's trying to hide it from me. Is he awake now? I know that when I entered even his soul seemed unconscious. Has his soul woken up?

There's another door, this time it's orange. I walk towards it and open it slowly. It looks like the library. That's weird, since I don't ever remember Soul going to the library. I walk inside and the door shuts itself close behind me. I suppose I'll have to watch the scene out.

I can see Soul surrounded by a pile of books and I'm sitting next to him. Oh, now I remember. When we first started working together we started to look into Soul Resonance and I dragged him to the library.

 _Weapons and Meisters fight side by side to get rid of Kishin souls, souls that have strayed from the path of good. Lord Death uses his own array of weapons known as Death Scythes. A Death Scythe is typically a weapon which is trained by a Meister, eats ninety-nine Kishin souls and one witch soul. Death Scythes are considerably more powerful than regular weapons— Holy shit!_

"Hey Maka …"

I hear it, but past-me doesn't. Soul tries a few more times to get my attention but I'm too engrossed in whatever book I'm reading to realize I'm being called. He's annoyed, I can feel it.

 _Didn't she say her father's a Death Scythe? A weapon of Lord Death himself … Could Maka make me a Death Scythe?_ Soul watches me as I read and I can't help but notice that his eyes are softening, there's something gentler in those crimson pupils of his. _They're more powerful than regular weapons. How much easier would it be to protect her?_ Soul looks at past-me and I feel something in my stomach flop. _We don't do badly as we are, course we'll be much stronger once we manage Soul Resonance, but still … I can't tell if she trusts me enough to want to do something so long term as hunt down ninety-nine Kishin souls. But if I were to become a Death Scythe … Then she'd have to trust me, right? She could rely on me more. Maybe I could convince her that not all men are like that fucking dimwit of a father she has … Maybe she'll—_

A sudden pounding occurs in my head and I can't focus on the sound of Soul's thoughts anymore. Instead, it's being blocked out as I feel my feet skid across the floor. My back presses against the door and I try to fight it, to move forward. There's a garble of words, none that make sense anymore, barely coherent sentences but I'm sure it's not because of Soul.

It's because of me.

Something's interfering.

 _If I'm lucky … she … trust … powerful … idiot … gutter … focus … shit … hurts … Death Scythe … souls … witches … book … headache … Wes … better … stop … dammit … Maka … Focus… focusfocusFOCUS!_

The door opens behind me and I'm forcefully pushed out. My back hits the wall and I shudder. What was that? Is Soul awake? Is Soul … rejecting me?

I know I can't dillydally inside someone's mind, this is dangerous for both of us the longer I stay inside, but I need to find the black room. Is he fighting back against me?

The static hurts my ears now and I fall to my knees. I can barely breathe as I try to wrap my head around it. The world is spinning now, being inside here is bad for me, I know it, but I'm not leaving without Soul, not until I see Soul and I know he's okay and I drag him out of here.

I reach out blindly and my hand tightens around a doorknob. I push with all my might and even though I can feel him pushing against me, rejecting me, denying me access, I push through. My head hurts badly and I stumbled into the memory. I need to be away from the static, I need to clear my head.

What I walk into is the worst of them all.

I can see Soul, he's thirteen here. A year before he joined the academy. He's leaning over the bathtub, wearing boxer shorts and his shirt has been long-since discarded to the side. There's red. The door I just came through opens and in walks Wes.

There's all sorts of emotions that aren't my own happening inside me. I'm dizzy, I can't stand upright, I'm nauseous, guilty, but strangely satisfied. I almost topple over as I sway, but I have to stay focused.

He stares at Soul and at the bathtub. The only thing that I know Soul is thinking is a mantra.

 _Shit. Shit. Shitshitshitshitshitshit._

"Soul …?" Wes says.

"Weapon thing," Soul says a bit too quickly for my liking. I can't tell what he's thinking because the mantra just keeps repeating, I can't tell if he's lying. "Getting used to transforming," he explains. "I've got a sharp blade, have to learn to control it."

Wes nods slowly. "Do you want me to help you? I can bandage you up."

Soul shakes his head and I get dizzier. Wes doesn't take no for an answer. He takes a step forward and closes the door behind him. "I'm your brother, it's my job to look after you." He finds a box of bandages in the cabinet drawer and orders for Soul to sit on the toilet. "Let me see."

I nearly gasp. I don't think anyone can hear me anyway, but I try to hold it in anyway.

There are harsh scars across Soul's arm, gashes that are bleeding. I look over at the bathtub and my stomach sinks. It's filled with water, all stained red. I nearly topple over into the bath, the nausea causing me to be even more unsteady.

Soul sways slightly. My mind panics. This is just like the state he's in, bleeding out, all because he was protecting me.

"The alcohol's going to sting a bit," says Wes. Soul flinches when the alcohol hits his wound and recoils.

 _Don't say anything._ He's not biting his lip, I think he's asking Wes not to ask.

"Benefits of being a scythe, huh?" Wes says. "You know, I'd like to see your full form, if you'd let me." He places the gauze over the nasty wounds. I realize it now but these scars … Soul still has them. I never questioned them but after the fight with Crona he had more scars than just the one he got from Crona's blade.

"Maybe some day," Soul says. "Gotta master it first."

Wes is silent as he tends to Soul's wounds. Soul is silent as well, his thoughts quiet as well, as though he's just stopped thinking in these moments. That doesn't stop the emotions though, the nausea, the uneasy, the guilt and satisfaction as well.

Wes leaves, patting Soul on the head and then the door closes.

Soul stares at the bandage around his arm for a moment.

 _Idiot. Can't you tell it hurts?_

The buzzing is back, it's pushing me backwards but I try to resist it. My knees give way anyway, but I grab onto the sink in an attempt to stay grounded. I know in an instant that this is something Soul doesn't want me to see, doesn't want me to know about him, but I feel as though I have to know, I _need_ to know. I need it as much as I need breathing.

My vision starts to get blurry but I fight it still, biting harshly on my lip to try and keep from screaming. This is a private moment, I'm spying right now, I'm eavesdropping on something no one but Soul has ever seen, has ever experienced. Maybe it's selfish that I want to know everything about him, but if I'm doing to save him, I need to know.

I push back against him, against his attempts to force me out, against his attempts to stop me from learning more.

And then I see it.

In a flash all the work Wes has put into wrapping up Soul's arm is gone, the blade is back and Soul is standing in the tub. In that split second I could barely process, searing pain hits my arm and I clutch it instinctively.

He cuts.

He bleeds.

It drips down his arm and his eyes flash the same colour as his blood. He lifts his elbow up to his face, and suddenly there's red everywhere and the walls are painted red and I know what's happening, though I can't explain it. The Black Blood is infecting him, it's tainting the memory.

 _Lick it._

I watch as Soul licks up blood, but it still drips. His mouth is dripping with the blood now, a mad glint in his eyes. He bites into the wound and more blood spurts out, which he continues to drink up. He licks his lips as though he's had a great meal. And it doesn't stop. The blood keeps falling, dripping, as though keeping time each time it hits the tub and he just places his head underneath it as though catching snowflakes on his tongue. His tongue becomes larger, his eyes become wider, his teeth become sharper. Their stained now. I can taste it on my tongue, metallic and a part of my mind, not my own is grinning madly. It tastes good, refreshing. I want more. I can feel it, the eagerness to slurp it all up. My mouth feels dry and I need water. I can barely see the bathtub but the water is red. Red water … blood. I need blood.

I push myself backwards and fall into the hallway again and everything stops.

The buzzing static is welcome after what I've seen.

"He told you not to look."

I turn around and freeze.

It's the red demon from the black room.

* * *

 _ **Author's Note #2:** This is the part where I thank people for doing things for me._

 _Alexa : The story will go on, but be a bit shorter (I smashed 2 chapters together after all)._

 _Soul-3ater: Love the way you spelt that, and is this fast enough of an update for you?_

 _TheMostIntenseFanGirl : I think we can have a debate about how I'm probably more intense than you later. For now, I'll just comment on how much Black*Star would beat out your gold star any day (cause he's all godly and whatnot, you know how it is). I'm sorry, that was a horrible joke. I will treasure your metaphorical gold star, though I'm not sure how I feel about being pat._

 _Next, the question: I tend to ask questions near the end of my chapters, which you can feel free to answer. So ... **What do you think of Soul's mind?**_

 _Please give me at least 5 reviews before the next chapter._

 _My computer's really fickle right now so I don't want to push it to save the names of those who favorited/followed cause I tried 5 times already and it still won't save, so you guys'll have to wait, but remember you are appreciated!_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author'** **s Note #1:** I don't own **Soul Eater**. This is my attempt at horror, I can admit I'm not very good at it since it makes me sick and I can't stand gore at all, but I thought I'd make an effort for this story. The chapter is kinda all over the place, but hopefully it's not too confusing. Also, funny fact: if you ever played the 2048, **Soul Eater** version, each character becomes a number on the grid, right? Death the Kid's number? EIGHT! I laughed so frigging hard. Anyway, I hope you guys like it._

 _WARNINGS: Torture, madness (but what else can you expect in a **Soul Eater** story?)_

* * *

 _ **It's All in Your Head  
**_ _by: Setkia_

* * *

 **"It's okay," I say. "I trust you, Soul."**

 **Something flashes in Soul's eyes and before I can fully process it, his hand is wrapped tightly around my neck and I can't breathe.**

 **"Still trust me, Maka?" he asks.**

* * *

 _Previously:_

The buzzing is back, it's pushing me backwards but I try to resist it. My knees give way anyway, but I grab onto the sink in an attempt to stay grounded. I know in an instant that this is something Soul doesn't want me to see, doesn't want me to know about him, but I feel as though I have to know, I _need_ to know. I need it as much as I need breathing.

My vision starts to get blurry but I fight it still, biting harshly on my lip to try and keep from screaming. This is a private moment, I'm spying right now, I'm eavesdropping on something no one but Soul has ever seen, has ever experienced. Maybe it's selfish that I want to know everything about him, but if I'm doing to save him, I need to know.

I push back against him, against his attempts to force me out, against his attempts to stop me from learning more.

And then I see it.

In a flash all the work Wes has put into wrapping up Soul's arm is gone, the blade is back and Soul is standing in the tub. In that split second I could barely process, searing pain hits my arm and I clutch it instinctively.

He cuts.

He bleeds.

It drips down his arm and his eyes flash the same colour as his blood. He lifts his elbow up to his face, and suddenly there's red everywhere and the walls are painted red and I know what's happening, though I can't explain it. The Black Blood is infecting him, it's tainting the memory.

 _Lick it._

I watch as Soul licks up the blood, but it still drips. His mouth is dripping with the blood now, a mad glint in his eyes. He bites into the wound and more blood spurts out, which he continues to drink up. He licks his lips as though he's had a great meal. And it doesn't stop. The blood keeps falling, dripping, as though keeping time each time it hits the tub and he just places his head underneath it as though catching snowflakes on his tongue. His tongue becomes larger, his eyes become wider, his teeth become sharper. They're stained now. I can taste it on my tongue, metallic and a part of my mind, not my own is grinning madly. It tastes good, refreshing. I want more. I can feel it, the eagerness to slurp it all up. My mouth feels dry and I need water. I can barely see the bathtub but the water is red. Red water … blood. I need blood.

I push myself backwards and fall into the hallway again and everything stops.

The buzzing static is welcome after what I've seen.

"He told you not to look."

I turn around and freeze.

It's the red demon from the black room.

* * *

Chapter 3

 _"Let us consider that we are all partially insane. It will explain us to each other; it will unriddle many riddles; it will make clear and simple many things which are involved in haunting and harassing difficulties and obscurities now."—_ Mark Twain

* * *

Fear races through me and I can't speak. I remember him, standing in the corner as Soul and I awkwardly danced in the space of his mind while he stared at us and read our movements and eventually I forgot about him because Soul was holding me against him as we danced and there was no reason to be truly scared of him but now Soul isn't here and I can still feel the metallic taste of blood in my mouth. I lick my lips.

"Nosy person, aren't you?" The little demon laughs. "I forgot to welcome you to my kingdom," he says with a wicked grin. "This is where I rule, I'm the king of this land."

"This is Soul's soul," I say. "You don't reign over anything here."

"Want to challenge me on that?"

That smirk is maddening as it spreads across his lips and takes over his face. He nods to the door I've just exit and I know without checking that it's turned blood red. Was what I seeing real? Where had the blood interfered? How does the blood interfere? Does it distort memories? Does it try to persuade Soul into thinking he's worse than he is?

"You must've realized it," says the demon. "Soul has always been crazy, as you put it. Those thoughts, the dark thoughts that you think are because of me ... They were always festering, always existing within him. They were a seed that I allowed to blossom and grow. You can't blame me for nurturing one of my own, can you?"

"Soul ... Soul isn't crazy, he's not what you think he is!" I can barely scream, the buzz, it's louder with the demon's presence, I've forced it on the back burner though and the strain it puts on me is causing my head to throb.

"Then why didn't you know?" he asks.

"Soul's a private person." I know that. I've always known that. Soul doesn't talk about himself, doesn't talk about his past. I know about his old family, prestigious and skilled in the arts, prestigious in music, but I didn't know about a brother, I didn't know about Wes. I know he hates playing the piano, but he's good, really good. He has some twisted way of thinking that he isn't good enough, that he can't play as well as he should and maybe that's because of his brother. I don't know. I do know that I have to find out. I need to know everything he's thinking, it's the only way to beat the madness so I can tell him what's true and what's false, so I can settle all his fears.

"You know that's not why he's refusing to show you these things."

 _Stop it._

"I mean isn't it obvious? He spoke to the school nurse, do you remember that?"

Yes, I remember fully well. Hearing Soul speak to the nurse, telling her how he was having nightmares, how he wasn't sure how to deal with it, how he was scared. I remember it perfectly.

"He went to a complete stranger instead of his own Meister."

 _Don't say it._

"Don't you know what that means?"

I know exactly what the little demon is thinking. The Black Blood is trying to play with me, trying to make me believe in things that aren't true so I can't let it take advantage of me; not while Soul is weak, one of us has to be strong and it falls on me to do it when Soul is hanging by a thread.

"He doesn't trust you."

I'm expecting it but it still hurts. To think that I've spent all my time working so hard to make him a Death Scythe, to know that I've put aside my fear of men for him, to know that I've tolerated Blair, that I've gone through rings of fire and years of training to make him more powerful than Papa, that I've held onto him so tightly in battle, trusting him to catch me if I fell, trusting him to protect me, trusting him enough to open my soul so that we could become stronger and achieve Witch Hunter and through it all we never had the same level of trust in each other. As though I've fallen off a cliff and expect him to catch me, but he lets go at the last moment.

It's his job to make me trust him. He's my weapon, I'm supposed to trust him. But apparently he can't trust me. I want to say that the Black Blood is wrong, but I can't. Everything I've seen points towards the same thing.

"He rejects you, doesn't he? His mind is forcing you out, he can't stand the thought of you knowing everything, not because he doesn't want you to know, but because he doesn't trust you with the information."

No, this is all wrong. He's lying. He has to be. The buzzing hurts, I can barely manage it. I can't stand upright, I can't make my mouth work. I want to fight him, to tell him he's wrong, that Soul isn't like that. Cool guys don't do this, they don't pretend for their Meisters, they don't put on an act so that they can fool them later. Soul isn't like that.

"His mind lies to itself, his soul tells him fallacies, his mouth breeds untruths, his eyes hide worlds in them. Can't you see it, Little Meister? You don't know Soul at all."

"I do!" I say, forcing the words out no matter how much I doubt it. The demon can feel my insecurity and it's making him grin. He's manipulating me, I know it. I don't know how Soul deals with it, I think my own sanity is on the line after all this time. "I know Soul!"

I know he likes to sleep till noon, that he doesn't enjoy homework, that he's got some obsession with "cool" things, that he writes his own rules. I know that he wants to become the most powerful Death Scythe, that he enjoys playing basketball. I know that he loves music and he plays jazz. I know that he can cook and cares about me a lot, I know that he trusts me. I know that, _I know that_! I know that his soul is bruised and broken in places but it's not about what it looks like or its shape, it's about the soul itself. A sound soul dwells within a sound mind and a sound body.

"Tell me, my little Meister, does this look like a sound mind to you?"

There's a laugh that sends chills down my spine. There's too much noise, too much static, too much echoing laughter. My knees buckle.

"I'll give you that you're right. He does care for you. Want to see how much?"

The demon grabs me by my collar and I nearly choke as I feel my body being pulled across the floor to the door I had seen before, the one that had turned red that had once been green. There's no doorknob, but he doesn't seem to need it as he forces me to phase through the door.

It's the cathedral, where we fought Crona for the first time, the place with the doors that only open inward. That night he got that scar.

 _Slimy bastard, get your hands off of her!_

Soul's thoughts are loud in my mind, bouncing off the walls and hurting my head. There's a venom in his tone, one that sends shivers down my back.

 _I'll break your neck, you creepy little worm! Just watch, I'll break every bone in your body_.

I hear the sound of cracking knuckles but suddenly an image appears before my eyes.

Crona is tied to the cross right at the end of the strip of carpet at the front of the cathedral. They're screaming. I can hear laughter in my ears, a strange euphoric feeling is filling me. This isn't me. But that only leaves Soul. But Soul isn't like that …

 _I'll start with that annoying mouth of yours._

Soul's blade comes out and in a moment, the wails of pain are stopped abruptly. A stitched up mouth, softening the sounds of screams. Part of me, part of Soul, wants to hear Crona scream but knows that if they do scream, it'll probably give away their position, but oh how the screams would be sweet to hear.

 _Next, the poor bastard's hands._

Soul takes one in his hand before forcing the wrist to bend backwards. A crack echoes throughout the blood stained cathedral. Soul grins and then proceeds to cut off each of Crona's fingers. He hacks at them as though it's a piece of meat from a butcher's shop and the blood splatters across his face. He licks it up with a grin. He does the same to Crona's other hand and then twists his shoulder back. It's dislocated. You can hear the snap. Once he's finished with the arms he moves to Crona's legs. The Black Blood is doing nothing to protect Crona.

 _Can't have you escaping, can we?_

He cuts off each of Crona's toes and breaks his legs, the resounding crack as the bones give way give me goosebumps. And then he carves right into Crona's chest. Crona's body is left disfigured. I can't move, I can barely breathe.

Finally, his hands grip Crona's shoulders. I can feel Crona's muscles underneath my fingers as they tighten, I'm scared, I'm terrified, but I can't move as I feel everything Soul feels. He pushes back and then tears. Crona's spine gives way and cracks back. I can feel the bones breaking underneath my fingertips and a certain strange satisfaction hits me. A strangled cry for help makes it way past the stitched mouth and it's like nails on a chalkboard but the chill going down my spine isn't unpleasant and it scares me.

Soul turns to me as though he can see me, even though I know he can't. He licks the blood off his scythe, that maniac grin on his face again, his teeth covered in blood. "You're safe now, Maka."

I'm pulled out of the room quickly.

I can't handle it.

I vomit.

"See? He cares."

I try to muster up the strength to hit him, as hard as I possibly can, but I can't. I'm reminded of how weak I am. Without Soul, I can't fight. I'm not like Kid or Black*Star, I can't fight on my own.

I'm sick to my stomach and the static gets louder the more I'm in the hallway.

That was a room with Black Blood. Those can't be Soul's thoughts, can they? He's not like that. He's not.

"Tell yourself whatever you want, this is who Soul is."

I want to scream but my throat can't manage it. I need to find the black room where Soul is, I have to see him, have to know he's okay and then we can solve everything together. He just needs to tell me where he is, he just needs to reassure me that we're still partners, that he's going to be okay, he just needs to talk to me.

"You're denying the facts, Little Meister," chortles the demon. "This is who Soul has always been, he's always been just a little unhinged. Living in a home like he has, it's not surprising at all."

But those other memories … the tame ones, the ones that weren't so tainted. He hasn't reached them yet, has he? Soul isn't like this, I know he isn't.

"Soul!" I scream, unable to stop myself. "Soul, I know you're here, somewhere!" I try to stumble forward but the buzzing doesn't stop, it makes it harder to move, slows my movements. "SOUL!" I feel my throat hurt, it burns. I look down at my hands and find that I'm covered in blood but I know it's not mine. It's not Soul's either. It's Crona's.

I can barely see, everything is tinged in red, there's so much of it. I can't breathe, my throat is clogging up, my mind is rejecting what I'm seeing. Being surrounded by tainted souls causing even the most sound soul to go insane; that's why entering an asylum is so dangerous, even if it's just for a visit.

But this isn't Soul, it can't be, I reassure myself. Soul trusts me, he's my partner, he would tel me when something's wrong. We've fought the Black Blood before and this is nothing new, we are able to do this, we can conquer it. I know somewhere in the back of my mind that the only reason I'm still alive is because of my healing abilities, my own ability to reject the Black Blood and try to reverse it's affects.

"You know, no one's really ever immune to insanity," says the demon. "Being around it enough … You're sure to get contaminated."

"SOUL!" I scream again, trying to reach him. "I know you can hear me Soul! Where are you? Tell me where you are! I can help you! I'm going to save you! Ignore the demon, you're not crazy! I'm here for you! If you would just talk to me, Soul!"

The demon smirks. "He can't hear you."

I turn to him sharply. "What?"

"It's true that the dearest thing to Soul "Eater" Evans may be you, but even you can't reach him at a time like this. He's unreachable. Can't you see, Little Meister? A weapon's most precious thing tends to be their Meister, but when the Meister can't even reach them … they're gone." That maddening grin grows wider. "I'm running the show now."

"SOUL!" I scream as loudly as my lungs will let me. My voice box is fighting against me, it hurts to talk, it hurts to say anything. I feel disgusting, sticky and covered in blood. My shoes aren't the only thing getting dirty now, it's also my legs, they're stained, splattered with blood and it's crawling higher, like it's trying to rip out my skin, tear at my flesh. "SOUL, I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!"

"Soul's not home anymore," says the demon. "I'm running the show now, Little Meister."

* * *

 _ **Author's Note #2:** The thank-yous! _

_Just one review from Soul-3ater: so thank you, very much for taking the time to leave me a review. I try hard when I'm new to a fandom._

 _Okay now to actually thank the people who favorite/follow:_

 _ **Thanks for favouriting:** Crazieperson, ItsJustMe-94, OfInkandFeather, animelovermayc, , senpainoticemeplease.2468_

 _ **Thanks for following:** BubbleToMyTea, Crazieperson, 08, ItsJustMe-94, adriannajones40, , jesylin, senpaipleasenoticeme.2468, sloth007_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's Note #1:** I know this is a really short chapter, sorry about that. I don't own **Soul Eater**. I'm just doing nothing but reading Poisoned Scarlett (because she's absolutely AMAZING) and thinking about officially rewatching **Soul Eater** since I haven't seen it in a year. This is all based off my memory of the series and the spoilers from the fanfictions I've been reading._

 _WARNINGS: suicidal thoughts_

* * *

 _ **It's All in Your Head  
**_ _by: Setkia_

* * *

 **"It's okay," I say. "I trust you, Soul."**

 **Something flashes in Soul's eyes and before I can fully process it, his hand is wrapped tightly around my neck and I can't breathe.**

 **"Still trust me, Maka?" he asks.**

* * *

 _Previously:_

Soul turns to me as though he can see me, even though I know he can't. He licks the blood off his scythe, that maniac grin on his face again, his teeth covered in blood. "You're safe now, Maka."

I'm pulled out of the room quickly.

I can't handle it.

I vomit.

"See? He cares."

I try to muster up the strength to hit him, as hard as I possibly can, but I can't. I'm reminded of how weak I am. Without Soul, I can't fight. I'm not like Kid or Black*Star, I can't fight on my own.

I'm sick to my stomach and the static gets louder the more I'm in the hallway.

That was a room with Black Blood. Those can't be Soul's thoughts, can they? He's not like that. He's not.

"Tell yourself whatever you want, this is who Soul is."

I want to scream but my throat can't manage it. I need to find the black room where Soul is, I have to see him, have to know he's okay and then we can solve everything together. He just needs to tell me where he is, he just needs to reassure me that we're still partners, that he's going to be okay, he just needs to talk to me.

"You're denying the facts, Little Meister," chortles the demon. "This is who Soul has always been, he's always been just a little unhinged. Living in a home like he has, it's not surprising at all."

But those other memories … the tame ones, the ones that weren't so tainted. He hasn't reached them yet, has he? Soul isn't like this, I know he isn't.

"Soul!" I scream, unable to stop myself. "Soul, I know you're here, somewhere!" I try to stumble forward but the buzzing doesn't stop, it makes it harder to move, slows my movements. "SOUL!" I feel my throat hurt, it burns. I look down at my hands and find that I'm covered in blood but I know it's not mine. It's not Soul's either. It's Crona's.

I can barely see, everything is tinged in red, there's so much of it. I can't breathe, my throat is clogging up, my mind is rejecting what I'm seeing. Being surrounded by tainted souls causing even the most sound soul to go insane; that's why entering an asylum is so dangerous, even if it's just for a visit.

But this isn't Soul, it can't be, I reassure myself. Soul trusts me, he's my partner, he would tel me when something's wrong. We've fought the Black Blood before and this is nothing new, we are able to do this, we can conquer it. I know somewhere in the back of my mind that the only reason I'm still alive is because of my healing abilities, my own ability to reject the Black Blood and try to reverse it's affects.

"You know, no one's really ever immune to insanity," says the demon. "Being around it enough … You're sure to get contaminated."

"SOUL!" I scream again, trying to reach him. "I know you can hear me Soul! Where are you? Tell me where you are! I can help you! I'm going to save you! Ignore the demon, you're not crazy! I'm here for you! If you would just talk to me, Soul!"

The demon smirks. "He can't hear you."

I turn to him sharply. "What?"

"It's true that the dearest thing to Soul "Eater" Evans may be you, but even you can't reach him at a time like this. He's unreachable. Can't you see, Little Meister? A weapon's most precious thing tends to be their Meister, but when the Meister can't even reach them … they're gone." That maddening grin grows wider. "I'm running the show now."

"SOUL!" I scream as loudly as my lungs will let me. My voice box is fighting against me, it hurts to talk, it hurts to say anything. I feel disgusting, sticky and covered in blood. My shoes aren't the only thing getting dirty now, it's also my legs, they're stained, splattered with blood and it's crawling higher, like it's trying to rip out my skin, tear at my flesh. "SOUL, I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!"

"Soul's not home anymore," says the demon. "I'm running the show now, Little Meister."

* * *

Chapter 4

 _"Why can I never go back to bed? Who is the voice ringing in my head? Where is the sense in these desperate dreams? Why should I wake when I'm half past dead?"_ —Emilie Autumn

* * *

"Move."

The demon grins. "You don't think I'd make it that easy, do you?"

"Soul needs me!"

"You think he needs you," the demon corrects me. "He's lived just fine before you."

"No he hasn't!" I argue. "He … He was hurting himself, he … he isn't safe when left alone. He's a danger to himself!"

"Why can't you just let things be?" asks the demon. "I'm sure he's content the way he is."

Sinking into madness? I can't believe that.

The buzzing hurts my head and I can barely stand. I sway and I know that staying here is just getting increasingly more dangerous for me as the seconds tick by. How much time has passed since I entered? Time goes differently in here, I don't know how it works. I've never had access to my soul the way Soul does. I'm not used to this.

"Annoying little bugger," mutters the demon. "Trying to break through."

The buzzing increases, the static on full volume.

The Black Room. I need to get to the Black Room.

Suddenly, there's a break in the static. Through all the buzzing and my dizzying head I can hear something. It's not coherent, I can't make full sense of it, but I try anyway despite the throbbing in my skull.

 _hurts … stop … make … die … please … end … worthless … useless … shit …_

"Soul?" Is that him? I can't tell. Does he know I'm here? He has to know, he's been pushing me out of memories for a while now. Does he know about the demon? Does he know that the demon is trying to take over his mind?

"Stop it," says the demon, growling. He shows his strange teeth to me as he grabs my arm and I try to pull away. His claws dig into my arm and I feel my shirt rip slightly. I'm bleeding now. It's mixing with the blood around me.

 _I … why … Wes … but … alone …_

I can feel something inside me, something dark and lonely that gnaws at my insides. Suddenly, I don't know what I believe anymore. The buzzing hurts, but it's a dull ache now as I sink to the ground, surrounded by the blood as it tries to claw onto me, starts to gnaw at my skin. I feel myself being eaten inside out as insecurities hit me.

Who are my friends? Do I even have any friends? What would happen if I died? Would anymore care about me anymore? What purpose do I have in this universe? Soul doesn't really appreciate me, why am I trying so hard to help him?

 _Music … better … dirt … evil … dark … pointless…_

I can't feel it when the blood crawls up my legs and starts to chew at my skin. I tuck my head into my knees and feel my stomach drop out. I can't even look at the demon anymore. I know I'm here for a reason, this is Soul's mind, not my own, but still … What was I trying to do? Find a room? What room? What good is a room? The static … it's so annoying. If I were to die, would it stop? Would it finally stop? I'd like for it to be quiet for once, for everything to slow down and just be silent.

And then they hit me.

 _It's not like you have anymore to live for really. What use are you? You're an oversized butterknife, too bent on being "cool". What does "cool" even mean anymore? You're a failure. You deserted your family, you left a good brother behind, you started to hang out with Maka … what reason does Maka have to keep using you? Weapons are replaceable. You have a horrible attitude, why is she still your Meister? As if you could be a Death Scythe. You totally screwed up with Blair, who's to say you won't fail as horrible again? Liz and Patty would be better for her, they would treat her better. They're so good at dealing with Kid. And Tsubaki … Maybe I should just be Death the Kid's weapon, he's screwed up, I'm screwed up … Then again, I'm asymmetrical garbage. Black*Star would take me, right? He'd rough house me more than she does. I probably deserve that anyway._

Soul's thoughts.

 _But what if they don't want me? Why would they want me? Liz is so in love with Kid, she'd never let Kid look after me, not that he'd want to anyway. Kid just tolerates my existence. My hair probably pisses him off, it's too asymmetrical. Hmm … Black*Star would probably prefer someone with tits … So I guess that's out. Would anyone other than her use me? She probably only tolerates me … Why am I such a douchebag? I'm having Crona level thoughts now, aren't I? Not like it matters anymore … She's probably better friends with Crona than me anyway, not that I can blame her._

 _Why does everyone get what they want but me? Tsubaki's in love with Black*Star, he's obviously as stupidly in love with her as she is. Liz loves Death the Kid, he likes her too, in his own weird way. I think he finds perfect symmetry in her very being. I think Spirit had a man-crush on Stein. I totally think they experimented at one point. And never mind the fact that Spirit had Kami, no matter how short of a time that was. Marie loves Stein, Stein loves Marie. I think it's an illness … Weapons falling for their Meisters._

I can't breathe.

Soul … Soul loves me?

 _Maybe I should just die … it's not like anyone will miss me._

I want to tell him he's wrong, I will miss him so much, but I don't think he can hear me. His thoughts are bouncing not only off in my mind, but in the hallway too and the demon looks annoyed, annoyed that Soul's broken through. I don't think he knows I can hear him though.

An overwhelming feeling of being useless settles on me. I'm a Meister and Soul is a weapon. Soul can defend himself, I can't, I'm so dependant on him, I couldn't fight for my life without him. I'd be totally useless. Why does he even bother with me?

 _Maybe if I just don't wake up … the nightmares will stop. Wes'll be disappointed, I still haven't visited him. He writes me letters though … Dammit I should've read them. I suppose I'll write them a will. A metaphorical will of course._

He's so nonchalant as he plans his death, it strikes a cord in me. Has he thought of this before? Is this a normal occurrence in his mind? I remember those scars … I've seen others. I usually chalk them up as remains from a fight against some Kishin or another but the ones I'm remembering now, I don't think they are.

The scar he has along his right arm …

 _I'll leave the piano and sheet music to Wes, not that he'll play it. The music's too dark for someone as light as him to play._

The one I saw when he was walking around the apartment in his boxers, that went from the top of his knee to mid-thigh.

 _I could give my basketball to Black*Star, I'm sure he'll appreciate that._

The one near his ankle.

 _I'll give all my poetry books to Crona, they'll enjoy that, learn how to write less depressing shit. Wow I'm a hypocrite._

The wrists …

 _Do you think she'll be satisfied with my heart and soul? Is it worth enough for her?_

Oh my Death, his wrists …

 _What are they really worth to her? She'd probably laugh if she heard about my feelings … She hates men. She hates me. I'm a masochist, aren't I?_

Thin white scars on his right and left wrists. Four on each side. Perfectly symmetrical.

I feel a strange, deranged laugh bubble up my throat and escape my lips though I don't feel like laughing. I'm hollow. Soul is so casual about it, like he's surrounded himself entirely already and I can't stomach it. It hurts too much to think about. It's all so surreal, that he's so shut in, that he's so submissive to the idea of death.

I can't let him die. He means more to me than just a weapon, he isn't … what is it he called himself? An oversized butterknife. Trust Soul to be cynical to the very end. But this isn't the end. I won't let it be.

If you kill yourself in your soul, what happens to your body?

I need to find the Black Room. I have to get there or else I don't know what Soul will do.

Moving my body is hard. I lack so much motivation, but I know it's not my own feelings that are causing me to be like this. It's not me that's so twisted. It's not me that's trying to end their own life and I have to beat it. I crawl but I feel as though my legs have disappeared. I'm sluggish. The demon sees me.

"Stop," he commands and I almost do, but I force myself to move forward. I pick myself off the ground and try to kick away at the blood. It splashes and splatters. I try to tune out Soul's thoughts, they'll drag me down and I won't be able to find him.

I search frantically. If I try again, I'm sure I can find his soul.

There!

I sprint towards the door but the demon tries to hold me back. "Don't go in here!" he screams and I hear panic for the first time. This means I have to be right.

I force my way past him and try to open the door, but Soul tries to push me out. I fight against him, struggling. Finally, I break past and I enter the room.

I feel my breath catch.

There, sitting at an old piano bench in a room that resembles the first memory I've seen, of the Evans manor, is Soul.

* * *

 _ **Author's Note #2:** The thank-yous!_

 _ItsJustMe-94: So yeah ... new chapter._

 _Alexa : Tada!_

 _ErBearBell : I try really hard because I really want it to be authentic so I'm really glad that you think that way, I always try really hard to make sure everyone is as in character as possible and only deviate when plot dictates but I try to make it so that the plot allows for them to remain in character._

 _HartshornN : I'm very glad you decided to review if you don't usually and trust me, I love long reviews. Now I'll tell you this: I'm crap at gore and horror, it could be a combination of I'm not good at horror and maybe it could also because you don't get queasy easily. I'm an easily queasy person and I have a very sensitive gag reflex where I'll start choking at a thought. I wanted the story to focus mainly on characters, not on plot, yet it still does (the plot is made to center around characters) so that I could work on Soul and Maka and I've always loved character analysis through other people's perspectives. I don't think I've ever gotten true feedback like this, well, ever, so I'm very grateful for it. If I ever make any mistakes according to the lore, or anything at all, just tell me. I like to know what I'm doing right and where I need to improve._

 _08 : Yeah ... I was hoping i'd get that reaction._

 _Favorites: ErBearBell, eyeore1994, fanficfanaticxoxo_

 _Follows: kindellfire, ErBearBell, HartshornN, OfInkandFeather, Grigori-Souls, TheElementalPerson_

 _Lastly: I have another multichapter fanfiction in mind for these two, less dark, more AU, kinda that cliché everyone goes to school sort of thing, it would be 18 chapters long, and it's title is **when irresistible force meets an immovable object,** which I know is long, but I'm wondering if you guys would be interested in reading it? The best summary I can give is this: They say women fall in love with their ears and men fall in love with their eyes. Well he plays like shit and she's flat as a board but somehow they're still screwed._


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author Note #1:** I started to watch **InuYasha** , anything to get rid of the hollow feeling in my chest that **One Piece** has caused. I'm a mess. Some people channel surf, I fandom surf. I do not own Soul Eater. We've got 2 chapters left. Why do I pick all the emotionally tiring shows to watch? I don't own **Soul Eater.** Also, here's your **Batman** quote, my favorite quote for all the ones I found._

 _WARNINGS: Some ... torture? Don't know what to call this._

* * *

 ** _It's All in Your Head_**  
 _by: Setkia_

* * *

 **"It's okay," I say. "I trust you, Soul."**

 **Something flashes in Soul's eyes and before I can fully process it, his hand is wrapped tightly around my neck and I can't breathe.**

 **"Still trust me, Maka?" he asks.**

* * *

 _Previously_

The wrists …

 _Do you think she'll be satisfied with my heart and soul? Is it worth enough for her?_

Oh my Death, his wrists …

 _What are they really worth to her? She'd probably laugh if she heard about my feelings … She hates men. She hates me. I'm a masochist, aren't I?_

Thin white scars on his right and left wrists. Four on each side. Perfectly symmetrical.

I feel a strange, deranged laugh bubble up my throat and escape my lips though I don't feel like laughing. I'm hollow. Soul is so casual about it, like he's surrounded himself entirely already and I can't stomach it. It hurts too much to think about. It's all so surreal, that he's so shut in, that he's so submissive to the idea of death.

I can't let him die. He means more to me than just a weapon, he isn't … what is it he called himself? An oversized butterknife. Trust Soul to be cynical to the very end. But this isn't the end. I won't let it be.

If you kill yourself in your soul, what happens to your body?

I need to find the Black Room. I have to get there or else I don't know what Soul will do.

Moving my body is hard. I lack so much motivation, but I know it's not my own feelings that are causing me to be like this. It's not me that's so twisted. It's not me that's trying to end their own life and I have to beat it. I crawl but I feel as though my legs have disappeared. I'm sluggish. The demon sees me.

"Stop," he commands and I almost do, but I force myself to move forward. I pick myself off the ground and try to kick away at the blood. It splashes and splatters. I try to tune out Soul's thoughts, they'll drag me down and I won't be able to find him.

I search frantically. If I try again, I'm sure I can find his soul.

There!

I sprint towards the door but the demon tries to hold me back. "Don't go in here!" he screams and I hear panic for the first time. This means I have to be right.

I force my way past him and try to open the door, but Soul tries to push me out. I fight against him, struggling. Finally, I break past and I enter the room.

I feel my breath catch.

There, sitting at an old piano bench in a room that resembles the first memory I've seen, of the Evans manor, is Soul.

* * *

Chapter 5

 _"Memory's so treacherous. One moment you're lost in a carnival of delights with poignant childhood aromas, the flashing neon of puberty, all that sentimental candy-floss. The next, it leads you somewhere you don't want to go. Somewhere dark and cold, filled with the damp, ambitious shapes of things you hoped were forgotten. Memories can be vile, repulsive, little brutes. Like children, I suppose. But can we live without them? Memories are what our reason is based upon. If we can't face them, we deny reason itself! Although, why not? We aren't contractually tied down to rationality! There is no sanity clause! So when you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought, heading for the places in your past where the screaming is unbearable, remember there's always madness. Madness is the emergency exit. You can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them all away … Forever."_ —Alan Moore

"Hello, Maka."

I run to him before I can stop myself and wrap my arms tightly around him. "Oh my God Soul, I kept calling for you and you weren't answering and I … and the demon he … he was awful Soul …I'm so glad to see you!" He pats me on the back and rubs circles on my skin and I grin. He smells the same, like cologne and Soul and I instantly feel better. His warmth fills me and I can't stop smiling. "I thought you were going to kill yourself."

"Cool guys don't abandon their partners," he says with a grin. He pulls away from me and frowns. I can tell immediately he's realized just how covered in blood I am. "Let's get you cleaned up."

"There's nothing here to—"

A first-aid kit appears out of nowhere in front of me.

"It's my mind," says Soul. "I can make it do whatever I want."

"The joys of being in a metaphysical world," I say softly to myself. I glance at Soul as he takes out the bandages. He looks so calm. Does he know that I've seen? He's been pushing me out of memories, he has to know I've seen some things. Things he probably doesn't want me to see. I don't want to dwell on it too long though, if I do then it'll spoil the reunion.

"Sit on the piano lid," he tells me.

I do as told, jokingly calling him doctor.

Soul begins to scrub away at the blood, careful to avoid any injuries I may have sustained. I didn't realize it but gashes had started to open in my skin in areas of impact that Soul had hurt himself. I notice as he does this that his scars seem to have faded. I grin. That must mean he's getting better, right?

"So …" I spent so long waiting to find him, desperate to find him and I know I shouldn't be here any longer than I should be, but I can't help it, seeing a healthy Soul is causing me to stall. I just want to stay here, in a room protected from the demon, from the outside world where we can be alone and be safe. Soul worries me sometimes and here I know I have no reason to worry. I don't know what to say to him so instead I kick my feet gently against the piano. He grins at me slightly, but holds me a bit tighter to stop me from kicking too much. "How've you been?"

"A bit of this, a bit of that," he says with a light chuckle. "What did you do, go rolling around in a pig sty?"

More like running around your memories. I don't say it though.

He tenses visibly.

"Maka … how much did you see?" he asks, his cleaning stopping at my arm, his grip tensing and tightening slightly.

"What?"

"You saw, didn't you?" he asks quietly. "Memories … moments … thoughts …"

"Yeah but—"

"How much did you see?" he repeats a bit more firmly, his grip suddenly firm on my arm. I know Soul can get tense at times but this is a bit weird.

"Not that much—"

"LIAR!"

I flinch at his suddenly raised voice. I can't think straight, I'm panicking. Soul seems to be able to sense it and he stops, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. I've never seen him so wound up before. He loosens his grip on me and counts to ten slowly. But his lips aren't moving.

"Soul … can you … read my mind?"

Soul looks at me through the fringe of his long, white hair. "Hmm?" he says.

"What am I thinking right now?"

 _A sound soul dwell within a sound mind and a sound body._

"That stupid lesson that they drilled into your head on day one, isn't it?"

I stare at him.

He freezes.

"I mean—"

"You can read my mind in here, can't you?"

Soul looks down as though ashamed. "Kinda … It's a metaphysical space," he offers as explanation.

"It's okay," I say and strangely find myself meaning it. Can he tell what I'm feeling too? The way that I could tell in his memories? I don't know and I'm not sure whether I should ask. He gives me a knowing look though; he can read my mind after all.

"I know what you saw. And what you heard." His voice is eerily calm and I can't help but feel a shiver run down my spine. "Are you afraid of me?"

He sounds so small, so insignificant to me, unlike the usually boisterous loud energy ball that is Soul Evans. He's looking at me through a curtain of hair and his cheeks are tinged just a bit red, like he's embarrassed and scared.

"I'm … confused," I say slowly. "You're very hard to understand, Soul."

He nods. "Does it … disgust you?" I know what he means. Do I disgust you?

"I'm undecided."

Soul nods again. His hand clenches tightly. "And about what I said? What I thought?"

I shake my head. "No, the thought of you ending your life, I can't—"

"Not that," he cuts me off. "The part about … Meisters and weapons … about my … feelings?" I can tell he doesn't like talking about it, I'm pretty sure no boy likes to talk about his feelings openly like this but it seems as though I've forced him to confront his inner demons.

"Those …" I'm quiet, trying to figure it all out. It's a lot to process, that Soul loves me, that he's here, admitting it to me, that outside of this world he's fighting for his life while the Black Blood tries to seize control, while outside this very door there's a demon waiting for me to return to him so he can taunt me more. I fold my hands in my lap and can't look at him. "About that I …"

How do I feel about Soul? I know that he is the closest person to me, perhaps closer than Tsubaki and I also know that he's the only man I've ever dared to trust. I know that when it comes to battle he has my back, but in matters of the heart … Do I even feel the same? He is handsome, a rugged handsomeness that Wes does not have, a certain charm of his own in his "coolness" and slight awkwardness. I like Soul. I'm not sure if I love him, but he makes me willing to try a relationship with a man. Years of friendship cause this switch to go in my mind, the idea of Soul as not a friend, but as a man hits me.

I don't know how to word my feelings so I try to spit them out to no success. I try them over in my head but they're not quite working. I fumble before I can even think of how to even begin to express it, but then pain surpasses all my confusing emotions and I realize Soul is gripping my arm tightly again.

"I knew it," he says his voice sharp and clipped. "I knew it."

"Knew what?" I say. "S-Soul, you're hurting me—"

His grip tightens even more and if this weren't a metaphysical world, I feel as though my bones would've snapped.

"You're repulsed, aren't you?" he asks. "I always knew it. You hate me, don't you?"

"Whoa, that's quite a jump there," I say, but I can barely think past the pain in my arm. "I never said that—"

"But you think it, don't you?" he asks. "You think about it because you hate your father for what he's done to you and how he treated your mother, you hate men, why should I be any different? You hate me, don't you? I'm just a weapon, a weapon you can use and get rid of at your disposal, isn't that right Maka?"

"Soul, it hurts!"

"Tell me Maka!"

His other hand reaches over and I flinch when it grabs my neck. "S-Soul—"

"I know how you think," he says. "Men are disgusting, vile, why should I be any different? Besides, I'm a weapon, by class I'm lower than you in every possible way. There's no reason for you to like me, for you to want to keep me. Your father was a disgrace, so is every other man, am I right?" No, I want to say but my voice doesn't work. "You're disgusted in me, aren't you?" he asks. "That I thought I had a chance, for even a moment? I knew you'd hate me for this. More than you already do. Do you remember what you saw?"

Suddenly, it clicks.

This is not Soul. Is he an illusion created by the demon in order to get me to play into his hands? I don't know, but the demon is quite an actor, pretending to be scared of me finding Soul only for it to be a trap.

"I could've torn Crona limb by limb, leaving him a limp, lifeless mess."

"No," I barely manage to whisper hoarsely. "You …"

"Shh," he says softly. His voice is no longer comforting and I don't know what to say to him, what I can possibly do; this is not my Soul. How much of my time in here has been fake? Have I just been wasting time? "Don't squirm, I might have to do something drastic."

I want to hit him, to punch him, to give him a Maka-chop, but I can't. His eyes are so much like Soul's, no matter how much I know deep down this is not Soul I can't bring myself to hurt him; not inside his mind, not when all the other times were more for friendly banter than anything else. I can't do that to him.

"I could kill you, right here, right now and no one would know, it would be a silent death," he whispers, his grip on my neck tightening. My eyesight is getting hazy, black spots appearing before me. "I don't know why I thought you could love a monster like me," he hisses. "Delusional thoughts maybe, or perhaps I was just hopeful."

"S-Soul," I choke out. "Soul … it … it hurts …"

Something changes in Soul's eyes. He twitches. "Damn human emotions," he hisses. "I suppose he really is king …"

His grip on my neck loosens and I clutch it, trying to breathe. "King?" I rasp out.

"Soul Eater truly is king here, and we are merely humble servants of his wish." Fake-Soul glares at me. "I should've known a man can never kill a woman he truly loves."

I back up slowly. Hearing such a proclamation from Soul's own mouth is very different from it being hinted during ramblings. I can't breathe. I stumble backwards and fall into the hallway once more.

The demon grins at me. "Scared yet?"

I close my eyes. _Focus, you actually need to find him. He can't handle this much longer and once you find him, you and he can get out of here unscathed and everything will be better and we'll live happily (well, figthingly, but still happily) and then this whole mess can be forgotten and the Black Blood doesn't have to control him—_

"What are you doing, Little Meister?"

 _Focus, focus, FOCUS! You can do this Maka, you're like a radar like Black*Star said, you can find him, just FOCUS. Where is his soul? You can hear it, can't you? Track it. Ignore the white noise._

"Scared of something?"

 _Soul … If you love me … let me save you._

My eyes pop open.

I found him.

And judging by the look on the demon's face, this one isn't fake.

* * *

 _ **Author's Note #2:** The thank-yous!_

 _sloth007 : That wouldn't happen to be like 007, James Bond, would it? And I hope you liked this chapter!_

 _Alexa : So I kinda have the whole ending planned ... Hopefully you'll like it, but if I could have your permission, I might use that plot-line for another **Soul Eater** story?_

 _08: Took me a while to realize the whole "nu" thing was "no", am I just slow? Anyway, I'm glad you like it!_

 _99 Freckles : Thank you so much!_

 _Can we maybe get to 20 reviews for the next chapter?_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Author's Note #1:** Okay so **Pokémon Go** came out in Canada and I got it like, 25 minutes after it was released and then the servers wouldn't work cause you know ... Too many people wanted Pikachu. So I got it, I was/am obsessed, got to level 5 by hanging near a Pokéstop for like, 5 hours and then was like, "TO THE GYM!" (Pokémon gym, involving no actual fitness because I'm horribly unfit) which was like, the next floor of the mall near the food court and then my friend's like, "my mom's here to pick us up, we can't go." and I was like, "NOOOOOOO! I got a Fearrow and Jiggly Puff, I wanted to USE THEM!" Plus I was disappointed that I spent like 60 Pokéballs trying to catch Squirtle and still couldn't, and my friend has Squirtle as her starter and I have Charmander and she caught ANOTHER Squirtle- Sorry, you didn't want to hear my Poké-Adventures, if you read all this, congrats to you. Tell me if you're playing **Pokémon Go**! Anyway, I don't own **Soul Eater**. Check out **Up on the Rooftop** and the story I will mention down bellow during my last author's note because this one is too long and the title's too long anyway._

 _Warnings: uh ... low self-esteem and strangulation._

* * *

 ** _It's All in Your Head_**  
 _by: Setkia_

* * *

 **"It's okay," I say. "I trust you, Soul."**

 **Something flashes in Soul's eyes and before I can fully process it, his hand is wrapped tightly around my neck and I can't breathe.**

 **"Still trust me, Maka?" he asks.**

* * *

Previously:

"Soul Eater truly is king here, and we are merely humble servants of his wish." Fake-Soul glares at me. "I should've known a man can never kill a woman he truly loves."

I back up slowly. Hearing such a proclamation from Soul's own mouth is very different from it being hinted during ramblings. I can't breathe. I stumble backwards and fall into the hallway once more.

The demon grins at me. "Scared yet?"

I close my eyes. _Focus, you actually need to find him. He can't handle this much longer and once you find him, you and he can get out of here unscathed and everything will be better and we'll live happily (well, figthingly, but still happily) and then this whole mess can be forgotten and the Black Blood doesn't have to control him—_

"What are you doing, Little Meister?"

 _Focus, focus, FOCUS! You can do this Maka, you're like a radar like Black*Star said, you can find him, just FOCUS. Where is his soul? You can hear it, can't you? Track it. Ignore the white noise._

"Scared of something?"

 _Soul … If you love me … let me save you._

My eyes pop open.

I found him.

And judging by the look on the demon's face, this one isn't fake.

* * *

Chapter 6

 _"One ought to hold on to one's heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too."—_ Friedrich Nietzsche

* * *

"You can't go in there."

I turn to the demon and glare. I can't take it anymore, I will not stand for anything more. I push forward, Soul's thoughts echoing in my mind. I can't allow myself to fall victim to the demon's mind tactics.

"You don't know him," says the demon. "He doesn't trust you, you don't know his secrets."

And then I realize why I've been wrong. This isn't about Soul not telling me enough. This isn't about his lack of trust in me, it's my lack of trust in him. I don't trust him enough to tell me what's wrong, I don't trust that whatever he reasons he has for not telling me his secrets are strong enough to keep me in the dark. I need to trust him.

"I'm okay with that," I say and to my surprise, I am. "I don't need to know. Not until he wants to tell me. But I need to save him before that."

And it's easier to push past him and leave. I'm able to enter the room and my heart beats faster when I recognize my surroundings. I breathe in a sigh of relief and shut the door behind me harshly. I can't let him in.

The piano is large as I remember, there's no demon nearby though. I see Soul, sitting at the piano. He's playing something. It's dark, I can tell. Though we both know he's better now from the Soul I saw in his memories, I still can't help but feel just a bit on edge. I need to trust him, I need to accept who he is. I need to learn that in all due time, he will tell me things. Trust that he will choose to confide in me when the time comes. But doing and thinking about it are completely different things.

"Hi," he says softly, reacting to my loud slamming of the door.

"Hi."

This is ridiculous.

"So … you saw?" His voice is quiet, like he doesn't really want to ask but he will because he feels like he has to.

"Yeah."

There's silence.

"Are you scared?" His voice doesn't stutter, he doesn't sound afraid, just cautious. Like he's stepping on glass and is scared to prick himself. His head is held up high but I think that has more to do with pride than confidence. It becomes obvious to me now that what everything this mind has been trying to tell me is the same thing: Soul isn't confident. Not the way I think he is. He's one damn good actor though. But now the masks are off and it's time for the truth.

"I'm concerned," I say slowly.

Soul scoffs. "Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"I'm not scared of you Soul," I say and I scramble trying to find words to explain it. "I am scared, but not because of you. I'm scared _for_ you."

Soul blinks.

"Do you remember when you got that scar?" I see him wince as he remembers the feeling of his chest being cut open. "It's like that. I was scared for you then, you were unconscious, you wouldn't wake up and you were losing so much blood. Stein said you might not've made it. I was … I was terrified then. And I am now. For you. Not because of you."

"Maka, do you remember what you saw?" he asks, a non-humourous chuckle escaping him. "I wanted to kill Crona, tear them to shreds. And I used protecting you as a way of justifying that. Moreover, I didn't even think of it as protecting you, I just really wanted to hurt them for no reason."

"Soul, the Black Blood is doing things to you. It's been tampering with your memories, I don't think it was like that—"

"You don't get it!" His hands slam down on the piano and a loud combination of notes echo in the room. "It's not about that! It's not about the Black Blood, it's about me!" He hunches forward and slams his head down onto the keys. "When are you going to give up on me?"

"I can't do that," I say softly.

He laughs wryly. "And why not?"

"Because your my partner."

Soul shakes his head and sits back up. "Don't you get it? I'm going to go insane, I know it. I don't have the will power to stay sane anymore. I know what's going on outside, I know that I'm bleeding, that I'm close to dying. Let me die. I might kill you if you let me live. I don't want to hurt you Maka, but I might end up doing much worse than you can think of."

I shake my head. "No, you won't hurt me."

"What are you talking about?"

"You had the chance to kill me, this whole time I've been in here? I've heard of mind collapses, times when the person's mind completely caves in front the inside order to get rid of a threat. You haven't caved in on me. Plus, I was nearly strangled to death earlier. And you stopped it." I step closer to him, approaching the piano bench until I'm right in front of him. "You told me you loved me. You can't hurt someone you love."

"Isn't that what love is?" Soul asks softly.

"It can be, but not always."

Soul shakes his head, like he doesn't believe me. "I will kill you. I won't mean to, but I'll kill you."

I shake my head in return. "You won't. It's okay," I say. "I trust you, Soul."

Something flashes in Soul's eyes and before I can fully process it, his hand is wrapped tightly around my neck and I can't breathe.

"Still trust me, Maka?" he asks.

I can hardly breathe and I know that I'm tensing up, I know it, but I try not to let it show. It's only human to fear for your life when being choked, but that I know that he'll let me go. I know he will. I lean closer to him as his hands tighten and I feel myself losing it.

I kiss him.

His grip becomes harsher, but I feel him responding to me as I let my lips slowly glide over his, closing my eyes and willing everything to happen. I don't want him to think I'm scared of him, I'm not scared of him. I'm scared for him. I'm scared he'll submit, I'm scared he won't realize that he's stronger than this.

As he slowly pulls away from me, his eyes still closed, his grip slowly loosens. When my emerald meets his ruby, he gulps audibly. "I hurt you," he whispers, his fingers gently tracing the outline of where his hands would be.

"I … I love you, Soul," I say finally able to say it. "Isn't this what love is? Giving someone the power to hurt you and trusting them not to?"

"You can't tell me something like that," Soul snaps. "I … Right now, I nearly murdered you. No one would've known, your body would've just died wherever you are in the real world and no one would know I was the murderer, it'd be the perfect crime, you can't trace it."

"But you didn't."

"You could've died!"

"But I didn't!"

"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" Soul screams, slamming his hand down on the piano. His breathing is harsh as he glares at me but his eyes soften when he notices when I take a step back. "The point is that at any moment your life is in danger because of me. I'm your weapon, it's my job to protect you, even from myself. It's not about what happened now, it's about what could happen. It's about me losing control and doing something accidental to you that would be irreversible. I … I love you Maka, I can't … I can't risk losing you."

"So you're going to give me up instead?" I demand. "Either way this story goes, it ends with us being separated and I don't want that!"

"Then what do I do?!" Soul yells. "I just want you to be safe. You can't be safe around me."

I wrap my arms around him and hold him tightly. His body tenses. "I trust you," I repeat. I back away from him and take his hands, placing them around my neck.

"Maka …" He licks his lips.

I know I should be tensing, I shouldn't have placed his hands there, not where I've nearly been strangled to death twice by the same man, but I look him in the eyes. "I trust you," I repeat. "I trust you not to hurt me. Only question is … do you trust yourself?"

He shakes his head. "I …"

"Do you want to stay with me, Soul?"

Soul gulps. "I … I love you Maka, I just—"

"Stop telling me and show me. Prove it. Do you want to stay with me?"

Soul closes his eyes briefly, pain flickering in them. "Yes. But—"

"But nothing. What are you willing to do to stay with me?"

"Maka, you know I'd do anything for you—"

"So do anything for yourself!" And I know that peaking into his mind was wrong but I feel as though I have a better understanding of him now and I know what else is holding him back. The very thing that has been consistent in his mind. Soul has no self-esteem, he has no belief in himself. He doesn't think— "You're worth it, Soul."

Soul stares at me, wide eyed as though he's never heard such words in his life.

Wes is a good brother, that I'm sure, but I feel as though there was always something missing. Wes was never so direct with his affection, he let his actions speak for him but sometimes the most affective thing to do, was to say it. Sometimes someone just needed to hear it, they could know it was true but could never be self-assured until it came from someone's lips.

"I love you Soul. Your brother loves you, Black*Star, Kid, everyone at the DWMA is waiting for you. We all think you're worth it. _I_ think you're worth it. And so should you. I can't help you if you don't want to help yourself." I reach my hand out to him. "Do you want to get better?"

Soul stares at my hand, his arms falling at his sides. He licks his lips and I can see the doubt clouding his mind. And then he leans forward and kisses me slowly, gently. It's hesitant, but he's reaching out and then his hand is in mine.

"Yes." He leans his forehead against mine, his eyes staring directly into mine, holding onto my hands with his. "I want to get better."

And I know he will.

* * *

 _ **Author's Note #2** : The thank-yous!_

 _lizzthefabulous : Thank you so much, the show basically killed me watching it but loving it at the same time. Can anyone say sexual tension? I swear the only reason those two seriously fight is because they're protecting each other and the other doesn't like them getting hurt for their sake. I never thought I was good at horror, but I'm trying. It's turning into fluff at this point .._

 _deviedra : Thanks!_

 _Lilyglamstar123 : Every night? What are you doing every night that involves this story? OH MY GOD YOU CALLED ME SENPAI! IT JUST REGISTERED. I so have always wanted to be called senpai, and I have now fulfilled my wish before my friend. You may realize my personality doesn't really match what I write ... Hehehheh ... I'm awkward._

 _Alexa (x2) : I do have a story I am working on already for Soul Eater, and another one planned but after those two, I really would like to write that story you mentioned. In a different context though, if that's okay._

 _sloth007 : Thanks!_

 _Destiny. Madness08: Uh, sorry it took so long, I just wanted this chapter to be PERFECT._

 _So for those of you who don't know, after **It's All In Your Head** I have another story planned, another SoMa story. Sorry, I read/watch **Fruits Basket** and so SoMa makes me think of Sohma and then my head does weird things, but anyway, it's called **when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object** and only the prologue is up, but it'll be 18 chapters and I would really like if you checked it out. It's an AU story, something I forgot to mention in that story's author note, but I would appreciate you checking it out._


	7. Chapter 7

_**Author's Note #1** : So I don't own **Soul Eater** , not sure how I feel about this ending, I know it might piss some of you off and it's short. I'm going to PM anyone who signs in and reviews to the last chapter. And then I've got **when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object** to do, which I'm super psyched about._

* * *

 ** _It's All in Your Head_**  
 _by: Setkia_

* * *

 **"It's okay," I say. "I trust you, Soul."**

 **Something flashes in Soul's eyes and before I can fully process it, his hand is wrapped tightly around my neck and I can't breathe.**

 **"Still trust me, Maka?" he asks.**

* * *

 _Previously_ :

"Do you want to stay with me, Soul?"

Soul gulps. "I … I love you Maka, I just—"

"Stop telling me and show me. Prove it. Do you want to stay with me?"

Soul closes his eyes briefly, pain flickering in them. "Yes. But—"

"But nothing. What are you willing to do to stay with me?"

"Maka, you know I'd do anything for you—"

"So do anything for yourself!" And I know that peaking into his mind was wrong but I feel as though I have a better understanding of him now and I know what else is holding him back. The very thing that has been consistent in his mind. Soul has no self-esteem, he has no belief in himself. He doesn't think— "You're worth it, Soul."

Soul stares at me, wide eyed as though he's never heard such words in his life.

Wes is a good brother, that I'm sure, but I feel as though there was always something missing. Wes was never so direct with his affection, he let his actions speak for him but sometimes the most affective thing to do, was to say it. Sometimes someone just needed to hear it, they could know it was true but could never be self-assured until it came from someone's lips.

"I love you Soul. Your brother loves you, Black*Star, Kid, everyone at the DWMA is waiting for you. We all think you're worth it. _I_ think you're worth it. And so should you. I can't help you if you don't want to help yourself." I reach my hand out to him. "Do you want to get better?"

Soul stares at my hand, his arms falling at his sides. He licks his lips and I can see the doubt clouding his mind. And then he leans forward and kisses me slowly, gently. It's hesitant, but he's reaching out and then his hand is in mine.

"Yes." He leans his forehead against mine, his eyes staring directly into mine, holding onto my hands with his. "I want to get better."

And I know he will.

* * *

Chapter 7

 _"I love you. I hate you. I like you. I hate you. I love you. I think you're stupid. I think you're a loser. It think you're wonderful. I want to be with you. I don't want to be with you. I would never date you. I hate you. I love you … I think the madness started the moment we met and you shook my hand. Did you have a disease or something?"_ —Shannon L Adler

* * *

Stein stares at the two of us. Clearly, he's in shock.

I hurt all over and I feel as though I'm still covered in blood but I don't care about that now. Soul has to be okay now. He has to be, after everything that happened he has to be okay.

Stein says something about telling the Headmaster that we're okay and then I turn to Soul.

"So—"

"Forget everything."

I stare at him. "What?"

"Forget everything," he repeats.

He can't be serious. Forget about what happened? Forget all his memories, forget his confession, his feelings? What is going on? Now that I'm not in his mind I can't tell what he's thinking anymore and I realize just how important talking to him is, he can't just get everything and I can't just understand everything either.

"But—"

"I nearly killed you!"

"And I'm telling you I trust you!" I say. I'm tired, feel gross and Soul's just come back from the brink of death. Shouldn't he just be happy to be alive? "Don't you get it Soul? You can't pull away from me, I'll always keep pulling you back."

"But—"

"No, it's time you listen. I spent so long listening to you, getting to know you, I think you should listen to me. You haven't even asked me what I think of this, you've just assumed! So I'll tell you right now what I'm thinking and save ourselves the time."

Soul's shoulders slump and he looks even more beat up, if possible. He thinks I'm going to reject him, and he's disappointed? Right after he's told me it's impossible? What is with this boy?

"You're so stupid," I say.

"Gee, thanks—"

"My turn to talk, remember?" I cut him off. "You're stupid and infuriating and you do so many things impulsively but we don't really fight, do we? I mean we banter, but that's normal, everyone has a bantering partner. The only times we ever get into real arguments are when you're protecting me because you don't even realize that I care about you so much more than a weapon, you're my friend Soul, you're my partner! I trust you, which isn't nothing and I know that you trust me too. You drive me absolutely crazy and you make fun of me and do stupid things all the time, but I _like_ that about you. I like _you_ , Soul. Maybe I don't love you like you love me, but I could easily come to that. You're different Soul, you're not my Papa and we're not going to make the same mistakes Papa, or maybe we are but I'm willing to try Soul! I'm willing to try, but you'll screw this up if you stop this before it even starts! You tell you almost killed me? I could get you killed in battle, I've nearly killed you so many times! We could be … we could be so good together, if you'd just …"

And Soul starts laughing. I want to yell at him, tell him that he's being stupid but his laughter's contagious and as much as I want to yell, I'm laughing too.

"I got it, Maka," he says and worry seems to disappear from his eyes. I've missed that smile.

"Do you?"

"Yeah, I get it." Soul smirks. "We'll both kill each other, alright? I'll cut you open, so long as you do the same to me."

And it doesn't make that much sense, but at the same time it does.

"I'm not going to screw this up," Soul whispers softly, pressing his forehead against mine. "I've screwed up too much already and I can't promise this is going to be easy, but I'll tell you right now I'm going to spend every moment I have making it worth it. So … Maka Albarn, what do you say? Do you trust me?"

I grin.

"Always."

* * *

 _ **Author's Note #2** : The thank-yous, but first: I think I should've just called the story **"Trust Me"** , just a random thought i've had._

 _HartshornN : So I want to say that it's pretty hard to avoid those tropes, and sometimes I just have to fall into them. I try to put my own personal twist on it, but really, it's kinda hard to avoid them. So long as the author can pull them off, I don't mind and I hope I can pull them off. I have a weird sentence structure, I know. I really like your constructive criticism so I hope you read and review to **when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object** so I can keep improving!_

 _Otaku-neesan: Thank you. This is the last chapter, if you want to check out my other Soul and Maka stories, feel free, I'm about to buckle down for an 18 chapter (non-epilogue including) story for them._

 _Soul-3ater: Thank you!_

 _08: Thank you. I read at that time too and I can never hold it in and end up suffocating myself with a pillow. And aren't all fangirls insane? At least just a bit?_

 _deviedra : Yeah, **Pokémon Go** has taken over my life._

 _Destiny246 : Wow, um ... I hope it goes well?_

 _Chloee0x0 : Yeah, there was one more chapter. Here it is._

 _Alexa60765 : Well, now I've got when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, but after that I might try it. (And I've got a lot of **One Piece** I gotta work on)._

 _Okay now to formally thank EVERYONE who has favorited/followed:_

 _Favoriting: 95bc, Alexa60765, Arya Scarlett 14, Chloee0x0, Crazieperson, ErBearBell, I saw the monster in you, ItsJustMe-94, Lilyglamstar123, Memorysmile, OfInkandFeather, Otaku-neesan, SoMa. Madness 08, Spirit Soldier, TheSevenSins7, WowWhatALongUsernameIHave, animelovermayc, darkvioletsrevolt33, deviedra, elizakenn23, eyeore1994, fanficfanaticxoxo, hazelantonette, icewolf47845, idevourbooks, 999 , jadzeadax, senpainoticemeplease . 2468, silverdragin101_

 _Following: 95bc, Alexa60765, BubbleToMyTea, Bulldogkitty, CathUndefined, Chloee0x0, Crazieperson, ErBearBell, Grigori-Souls, HartshornN, I saw the monster in you, ItsJustMe-94, KyraReid, Lilyglamstar123, Lolimbackonhere, Memorysmile, MistrysGirl, OfInkandFeather, SoulKagome, Tehetehe, ThatWhiteRabbit, TheElementalPerson, adrianajones40, anaaca2001, anime42425641, cmkyrian, darkvioletsrevolt33, deviedra, eyeore1994, fanficfanaticxoxo, hazelantonette, icewolf47845, idevourbooks, 999 , jesylin, kindellfire, miss ASSASIN MASTER, senpainoticemeplease . 2468, silverdragin101, sloth007, zerorin05_

 _So, if you want, now you can check out **when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object** , which will have it's first chapter posted (first, official chapter) in about 20 minutes._


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